Dear Joan,

In the past month I have interviewed with seven different organizations. In six out of the seven interviews I have been asked inappropriate (and possibly illegal) questions relating to my marital status and other non-job-related topics. Examples: "What does your husband do for a living?� "Were you married when you were in school?" "Tell about your children."

Although I am eager to present my professional qualifications, I resent answering personal questions that are not job related. If I refuse to answer, I'm afraid that I'll appear hostile or non-cooperative, thus jeopardizing the possibility of employment. How can an applicant tactfully handle such questions during an interview?

(In all fairness, these questions were asked by functional managers, not by Human Resources personnel. Even so, perhaps these managers who are given responsibility for interviewing/hiring need a crash course in proper interviewing techniques. )
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How right you are! Every manager should have a clear understanding of what BOQ stands for, Bonifide Occupational Questions. Bonifide occupational questions are those which are related to the requirements of the position. Managers who don't understand the importance of asking BFQ's, run the risk of alienating potential employees, or worse, ending up in court.

Sometimes, the difference between objective job requirements and subjective ones cause the problem. For instance, a manager might argue that he needs to know if a female candidate has children, since the position requires travel and he's worried she won't be able to meet the demands of the job. Her children may or may not have an impact on the travel requirement but that is for her to decide, once she hears about the position. To make that determination for her is clearly discriminatory.

It is illegal to ask questions about such things as one's children or day care arrangements. It is legal to ask questions such as, "How much have you traveled in other jobs? This position requires 25 percent travel. Would you be able to travel that much? How many days were you absent during the past three years?"

Sometimes managers want to know what a spouse does for a living to make a judgement about things such as how much money the candidate needs or whether he or she will be forced to relocate because of a spouse's job. Even if the question is one of pure curiosity, it is illegal. Whether the spouse is a neurosurgeon or a ditch digger has no relevance when considering the individual for the position.

Since discrimination due to race, color, sex, national origin, marital status, age and religion are prohibited, all questions that attempt to extract this information are against the law...even if they're asked innocently. For instance, the following question would be illegal: "I see your last name is Stravinski. Is that Polish or Russian?"

You're right. These questions put you in a real bind. In an ideal world, refusing to answer these questions would not jeopardize your chances with this employer. But if the employer doesn't realize that he or she is breaking the law, you will be the one who looks like trouble.

In any event, try to figure out what the interviewer is really trying to find out about you and decide if you want to reveal it. If the potential employer is fishing for your family status and child care arrangements, you may decide to use it as an opportunity to put his fears aside. For example, you may choose to talk about how you rarely miss work at all, let alone for child-related illnesses, since your childcare arrangement is so reliable.

The interviewer was probably trying to find out if you were able to juggle the demands of school with a family to determine if you would be able to do it when you were employed. However, this was the wrong way to get at that information. Instead, he or she could have asked, "Give me a recent example of a time when you had to juggle numerous, conflicting responsibilities."

If possible, try to turn the illegal question into a legal one before answering. For instance, "If you're asking if I'm able to juggle many responsibilities at the same time, I think my last job is the best example of that...I reported to two bosses..."

In some cases, a general answer may work. For instance, when asked about what your spouse does for a living, you could respond with a vague answer such as "He's in the health care industry." Then change the subject by asking a question.

A lot depends on how much you want the job. Once you have it, you will be in a position to educate your employer about asking bonifide occupational questions. On the flip side, you may decide to turn down a job offer if you were offended by these questions and you suspect your future boss's prejudices will be a long-term problem.

Of course, you also have the right to file a charge with the Equal Opportunity Employment Commission or to refuse to answer the question because it is discriminatory. Any way you decide to go, you are put in an unfair position. The best solution is for all companies to require interview training for every manager. At the very least, interview guidelines should reviewed with every manager so they understand how to interview fairly and legally.